After asking if he could please show his friend a game on the iPad:
“Mom said yes! And I’m actually not lying!”
“Mom? How come you always make it look so easy to find things?”
“I’m a clever boy.”
“Mommy, why are these olives in my penis? There are two of them.”
“I love fractions!”
Overheard between brothers during this morning’s tussle:
“I can damage you.”
“Mom, you don’t understand–you don’t need to be hungry to eat ice cream.”
“Mommy, I have a victory! I now know how to arm-pit fart with both arms!”
“[Mrs. Hardy] was an attractive, slender woman, who tried to take the adventurous life of her family philosophically.”
The Great Airport Mystery, page 11.
an apparition or double of a living person.
Over the last several years, I have become increasingly aware that I am not the only “Elizabeth Lester” in the world, the US, or possibly even in the state of Maryland. And I’m ok with that, as long as the lines of demarcation stay strong. However, with the proliferation of the Internet and social media, this has become more difficult.
Every so often, I receive in my inbox, a thank you from a new company for signing up for their email list (which I did not), or an offer of some cosmetic equipment that we discussed (we did not), or at one point, apparently “I” had decided to get married (again), and registered at several places I had never even heard of.
At times it’s amusing to see what pops up, and when I get a personal message that’s misdirected, most of the time I even respond to let them know that they don’t know me. But today’s unsolicited information came from Epiduo, and that’s just gone one step too far. They congratulate me for taking the first step toward clearer skin. They claim it’s time for my “Epi-Do-Over.”
I say it’s time to air my grievances here, where only a few people will see them, but the few who do will hopefully get some enjoyment from this introduction to my doppelganger: Elizabeth I-can’t-even-get-my-own-email-address-correct-when-I-register-for-things Lester, who, as far as I can tell, lives somewhere in the southwest US, either works in cosmetics and/or has bad skin, and probably smokes (yes, “I” even signed up for Marlboro once).
Everyone, meet my doppelganger. Elizabeth, meet everybody.
See? I feel better already.
“Jonah, I’m just saying: I didn’t learn karate for no reason.”
Me: In the future, I would really like it if I could get dressed without being interrupted again and again and again…
Jonah: The future is going to be a long time. I’m just sayin’.
“Brains think about stuff. They even think about licorice candy.”
While hiking the Billy Goat Trail yesterday:
“We are on the Beltway of life.”
To his brother:
“I’m going to miss you. Because I’m going to go to a new home when I’m an adult.”
Admiring himself in the rear-view mirror:
“Mom, you are right—this freckle DOES make me look adorable!”
“What is space inside of?”
“I don’t have any dreams. I have an imaginary play in my head at night.”
“Can I take off my socks? Because I want to make a self-portrait.”
“Mommy, why are your shoes making that noise?”
Spring is finally here!
At school, Jasper and his classmates have had the unique opportunity to work with slam poet Gayle Danley. This is the poem he wrote in her workshop.
A few students from each class performed their poems for the upper grades yesterday, and Jasper represented his class. I thought it particularly appropriate to share today, on what would have been Dad’s 69th birthday.
I miss you
I miss you because we hung out together even though you could not talk, you heard me and listened, you watched me sitting in your wheel chair. I feel sad you are not here, you used to be fun to be with, you did everything that you could. Your hair was nice and Gray and you were kind. I came to say Hi and in your mind you said it back. I remember you sitting there with a computer. I remember you communicated with me in some way. I know now that it was with blinking and a keyboard on a screen. I’m sad that you are gone pop-pop. We had good times.
Mommy, on my birthday, how will I go one number higher?
(He was relieved when I assured him he need do nothing at all.)